Karie Fay
Commentary Editor

   Some of the country's worst drivers surround me - I'm convinced of it.  I'm not quite sure if this is a regional problem, or a result of the change in times.  Either way, I always say half of the drivers need to go back to driver's education, and the other half need to take it in the first place.

   Growing up in Michigan, in order to get your driver's license, you took driver's education in school.  Fifteen and 16 year-olds spend two weeks of their summer back in school; first they learn what they are supposed to know, then they practice it on the road.  After that, they begin forgetting what they learned - as is obvious on our roads today.

   You always know when it's that time of summer again up North.  The lame-looking sedans with "student driver" signs perched atop the car as a warning can be spotted everywhere.  They slide, creep, lurch and zoom past on highways - usually with a frightened-looking middle-aged male (always middle-aged, always male.  I think the age requirement is for steadiness of nerves and the gender for hand strength when he has to hold on for dear life) riding shotgun.  He's got a notebook in his lap- so he can write the details of the ride - or crash - down for documentation.

   But still, we take driver's education.

   When I ask about driver's education in Arkansas, I am told to get your license here you have to drive around a block or two with a cop.  A block or two? Are the police scared of the drivers, too?

   I'm beginning to think they are.  I know they always seem to be near when I make a small mistake, such as forgetting my lights at dusk or hitting 70 in a 55 speed zone. But where are they when the non-drivers are about?  You know who I refer to.  They are all around us, and they often are hybrids of the following categories:

• The Speed-bumps.  These are the people that are always in the way.  When the speed limit is 55, you can count on them to drive 45, especially if there are many, many cars behind them on a two-lane road.  The speed-bumps' rule of thumb - the faster you go, the slower the vehicle ahead of you will decide to go, especially in a no-passing zone.

 
• The Road-blocks.  Even more dangerous and annoying, these people like to hurry up and pass, then make you stop so they can turn.  While you can find them everywhere in abundance, locally, a particular favorite place for them to do so is just south of the university on Highway 425.
  
     Since the right lane ends at the entrance of UAM, they insist on zooming past those in the left (proper) lane and cutting back in at the last possible second, often cutting off the vehicle to their left.  Then, a quarter mile past, they put on their turn signal to enter the apartments on Bowser Road.  Of course, those behind them need to stop and wait, or at least slow down, lest they become speed-bumps.
   
• The Left-laners.  These people refuse to believe the left lane was made for those traveling faster than them.  They instead think of it as a personal express lane, regardless of their speed, and expect you to pass them on the right.
  
• The Rolling Road-blocks.  A hybrid of the Road-blocks and Left-laners, I only recently discovered their existence.  In a passing-lane area, they travel in the adjoining lane - until you get right next to them.  They then swing into your lane to block you from getting ahead.  This is particularly effective if accompanied by Left-laners in the other lane, but mere Speed-bumps in the right will work.  Either way, their game is to keep you behind them, for no particular reason.

 
• The Blind-spotters.  They like to drive in the lane to the side of you, and stay just behind you in your blind-spot.  Any attempts to speed up ahead of them fails - they are very good at pacing themselves.  And you.
  
• The Wide-loaders.  Whenever they drive, they must imagine they are in command of a wide-load.  When they turn, they simply must swing into the other lane.  This happened to my boyfriend while he was on a motorcycle - a favorite victim of the wide-loaders.

 
• The Middle-laners.  These people cannot get the hang of middle lanes.  They either want to ride up it a quarter-mile to their turn and expect you to exit the lane instead of making your turn, or they do not comprehend turning into it to make a turn.  Really, people, that's what it's there for!  And when combined with a form of Road-blockers, they will not get in the other lane to allow you to merge. (There is a variation that does not move into the other lane on a four-lane to allow you to enter the road.)

 
• The Blinkers. If you have ever noticed a blinker going for miles, you know who I am talking about. Another variation doesn't turn on their blinker - ever. That way, you can wait to make your turn after you see them turn before you.

 
• The Stereo-amps. They think everyone wants to hear what they are listening to - especially late at night. Their sound system is worth more than their car. What priorities!
   

• The Red-lighters.  You will notice them stopping - for everything.  A yield sign on campus?  Ooops, better stop.  Surely they just used a yield instead of a stop sign to save money - after all, it's smaller.  And, the light is yellow?  Slam on the brakes! 

 
• The No-parking allowed.  Everywhere on campus you see them; these are the people who think they should leave 5 feet between them and the car they are parking behind - and in front of.  They think space-saving means don't use it.  Or at least, that's all I can figure.

 
• The Non-drivers. They think they are behind the wheel to do anything but drive. Running late and no time to put on makeup? Have an urgent call to gossip with a girlfriend? Need to send your girl a text message? Need to read your notes before the exam? Take a clue from them and do it behind the wheel.

 
• The Slippery-slopers. Variations of these believe any moisture on the road means you should either speed up or slow down ridiculously. When they slow down because they saw a snow flake five minutes ago, they become speed-bumps.

   I could continue describing these types, and likely think of many more.  But how many of these types can you think of? Too many.  Sadly, I know.  So the next time you witness such driving, think, "driver's education!"