Cynical Fan of the 21st Century

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   I’m trying not to be a cynical sports fan; I’m really trying.

   With all the controversy surrounding steroids, cheating and athletes being arrested, a sports fan must be naive not to be a cynic. All athletes use steroids. Bookies fix all games and Mike Vick is a sick bastard. Vick may not fit in the grand scheme, but it needed to be said.

Courtesy of MCT

Feelin' Good — Rick Ankiel shows his frustration after striking out. Ankiel tainted his amazing comeback story when he admitted to using HGH.

   Baseball needed a feelgood story this summer to pull attention away from Barry Bonds breaking one of the most cherished records in sports. Bonds’ race to 756 home runs should have been one of the greatest moments in baseball history. I didn’t even watch it; Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative ruined it for me.

   I needed a feel-good story to justify my passion for a game so tarnished with scandal.

   We got the Rick Ankiel story.

   The Ankiel story began in the National League Divisional playoffs in 2000. Ankiel, a 21-year-old rookie pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, posted 11 wins during the season, only to have an epic meltdown in the playoffs. He walked four, threw five wild pitches and never recovered from the humiliating performance on the mound.

   He bounced around the minors for a couple of seasons before making it back to the big leagues, but broke down once again to the same tune. In 2005 he decided to give up the mound and pick up a bat. History was made … or so it seemed.

   Ankiel broke back into the majors as a power-hitting right fielder, blasting nine homers in his first 26 games. No one could script a better story, but like Hollywood it didn’t come without a little taint.

   Early this month, news broke that Ankiel ordered a year's supply of human growth hormone in 2004. He claimed he used it to help battle back from Tommy John surgery and it was prescribed to him.

   A likely story, but it smells too much like a cop out.

   Rodney Harrison, one of the most popular defensive backs in the NFL and a likely future hall of famer, used the same excuse after being busted for the same substance a week earlier.

   Cheating is cheating no matter the excuse.

   Every week it seems like one athlete or another gets busted for HGH or another performance enhancer. Steroids alone would not turn me cynical, but it has friends and every sport is affected.

   In the NBA, Tim Donaghy bet on basketball games he officiated and affected the outcome of said games. Commissioner David Stern said Donaghy was the only referee to do this.

   If one can do it, why not all?

   Bill Belichick, New England Patriots head coach and, surprisingly enough, Harrison’s head coach, treated the NFL to a little cheating scandal last week.

   Dubbed video-gate by the media, Belichick decided to get a competitive edge by video taping the Jets’ defensive signals on the Jets’ sidelines to pick up defensive schemes. The NFL commissioner laid down a hefty fine and forfeited the Patriots’ 2008 first-round draft pick for the incident.

   Patriots’ supporters I’ve talked with on message boards said everyone in the league does this and they don’t know why everyone is getting pissed off at this one situation. It’s still cheating, but from my experience with all the scandals, I can’t deny that everyone does it. The way my Saints’ defense plays, I wish the team did it a little better.

   The NFL suspended Adam “Pacman” Jones for a shooting at a strip club, along with nine other incidents where the police questioned him. The police arrested nine players on the Cincinnati Bengals in nine separate incidents. Vick got his kicks by executing dogs and watching them tear each other apart. He also got a nice un-paid vacation.

   All that happened just this offseason and that is only a part of the legal troubles of the players in one league.

   To be a sports writer in 2007, one needs to be an expert in biochemistry, law and hightech surveillance equipment.

   I just want to write about the game.