Once again, Black Friday is upon us. Stores everywhere look forward to this joyous day when the accounts rise up from the red like a phoenix from the ashes. For a short while, they can break even.

   This year, I am not shopping on Black Friday. No, I am claustrophobic and being in Wal-Mart with 2,000 people snatching and grabbing half-priced Thanksgiving napkin rings brings out the psycho in me. This docile little girl turns into a defensive, survival mode activated machine. I will not “run the gauntlet,” as Todd Kelley so fittingly said last year.

   Instead of risking my life for a gallon of milk at the grocery store, I will be participating in a fundraiser capitalizing on the Black Friday madness. I will be babysitting kids while their parents buy Christmas presents. 

   I have a tip for all of you who feel that you must go shopping on the Friday after Thanksgiving: avoid Pine Bluff if you value your life. Pine Bluff shopping is a little more hard core than what you find in other areas. If you do choose the ‘Bluff, do not wear red and consider packing heat. You might want to take a self defense class before you go. 

   I only say this because I have been shopping in Pine Bluff on the day after Thanksgiving. Three years ago I moseyed up to Pine Bluff and thought I would have a leisurely shopping day with my mother. My leisure turned to horror as people were getting mugged in front of me, shoppers were pushing each other and obvious gang members fought in the parking lots. I also heard gun shots. 

   Seriously, Pine Bluff is not the place to go if you can help it. If you are from there, you should know this to be true. On a normal day Pine Bluff is bad enough, but on the day in question – forget it. Just go to Little Rock or Monroe. Better yet, stay at home and eat turkey sandwiches. Enjoy the tryptophan while you nap before the Razorback game.