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Patriot Act II: The Empire Strikes Back

   On March 10, the new Patriot Act goes up for a vote before Congress. With any luck, they won’t rape the Constitution this time. I bash politicians a lot in Buzzworthy, but the Patriot Act was single handedly the worst thing to come out of the war on terror. How can we promote democracy in other countries when we take away the freedom of our own citizens?

Don Knotts R.I.P.

   Am I the only one who thought he was already dead? The legendary comedian was 81. Knotts is best known for his role as Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show." Why do all the good celebrities die? Can't Carrot Top buy it? No one would miss him.

He did it all for ewe.

   A homeless Little Rock man has been charged with cruelty to animals, trespassing, resisting arrest, theft of property and violating an animal facility. Security at the Little Rock zoo spotted the man carrying a sheep in a trashcan; they then notified the police. He could have taken any animal in the zoo, and he chose a sheep. Next time he should go for something cool, like a monkey.

It's a shame stupidity isn't a crime.

   Wichita police are not charging a 25-year-old man who accidentally shot himself when the gun he was holding between his legs discharged. It's not illegal to shoot yourself in Kansas, it's just not a good idea.