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Christmas Shopping a Disgrace

Todd Kelley
Commentary Editor

   Ah, Christmas! That most wonderful time of the year; time to get presents and sip eggnog with family, but first, you have to run the gauntlet.

   "Black Friday," named so because accounting books move from the dangerous red to the beautiful black ink, returned on a one-horse open sleigh, and with it, a series of disgracing behaviors were perpetrated by shoppers.

   Despite the deplorable economic situation in our country, shoppers came out in droves to buy, buy and kick the teeth out of the slow members of the herd last week. The main problem of this holiday season, ironically, could have been solved by John Wayne.

   Stampedes forced people to watch not only their lives and recent acquisitions, but some had to be careful of what they came to the stores wearing. Video footage shown on Comedy Centralís one-hour liberal news block of "The Daily Show" and "Colbert Report" showed one poor shopperís plight. As the doors of an undisclosed shopping center opened, a woman was knocked to the ground, trampled and had her wig knocked from her head. I believe the true disgrace comes from the people who helped her get up. Yeah, I am being melodramatic; no one stopped to help her. She was forced to pick up her wig and suffer the Nikes of other shoppers as she tried to readjust it.

   All of this reminds me of a book I read several years ago. "Behold a Pale Horse" by William Cooper states (among many other conspiracy theories) that people will soon lose their identification as citizens and fall to the more generic name of consumers.

   It chills me to think how right Mr. Cooper was. At first, I laughed about his accusations, but that is the beauty of youth I suppose - naivety. Surely, people would not toss the noble title of citizen (I prefer citizen to serf, peasant and plebian) away with utter disregard for what it means. It seems as though I am wrong though; the haughty way we think of ourselves in America can be shattered by a 75 percent discount at the Dollar Tree. Mr. Cooper may have been on to something which, coincidently, made me re-evaluate my haughty assumption that people in America have a right to press their opinions on the world (OK, I really do not feel that way, but the people who do know who they are. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Mr. Bush).

   Yes, once again, I am probably just being paranoid, but as I watched people swarm like locusts, set children on top of items to deter buggy pilfering and literally trip other bargain hunters, I realized how dishonorable and animalistic humans really are. I suppose it only goes to prove that, just like dogs, people will fight over limited available resources. I am sure everyone in the world will not take a step back and think that over before they dismiss it, but hey, at least I said it.

   Now, what do big companies think about the madness they have created? Well, for people accustomed to me bashing big business, I am sorry. The companies actually may make a change for the better for the season. It is rumored they may extend the savings beyond Friday to allow shoppers a little breathing room. I applaud that, mainly because of some very disturbing things that were said in articles I read.

   It seems as though some people, when finished cooking Thanksgiving dinner, leave their families to go shopping, and thus avoid the madness of "Black Friday." I cannot condemn these people for doing what only makes sense if you care about your health, but I can knock the system for making people feel like they need to leave their families on a family holiday.

   Well, I am out; I have some volunteer work to do. You have no idea how hard it is to pick rocks out of a personís face, wash scuff marks off of a personís back and rub Nike checks out of a forehead. Thanks mom for enduring the riots; I am glad you found those silk pajamas before the ambulance picked you up.

   Happy Holidays everyone, and for those of you wondering, yes, I said "holidays" just to spite those who would rebuke people for not saying Christmas. After all, surely we are aware that this holiday season stems from multi-religious facets. Or does the rebuking the inclusive phrase "Happy Holidays" have more to do with hate than ignorance? I sure hope not because that would be un-Christian.

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© The Voice 2005
09/17/2007 01:48:27 PM ó http://www.uamont.edu/Organizations/TheVoice/3_12/disgrace.htm